Realisation

(Blogger's Note: This isn't some heated, spirited opinion on some world issue its just a recounting of what has happened in the past few months in 11 Science, FAPS and what has now, hopefully, different. After a long time, its just about normal life.)

Realisation. Reawakening or just Awakening! Understanding that something that you thought was right was actually not as right as you thought it was. Actually, a few things have happened that caused this train of thought in my mind.
Firstly, there was a story that I heard. "A toad lived in a well. It had never left the well. One day, a toad from outside the well visited this toad. It said, "You should see the outside world. It is...". But the first toad cut in, "OUTSIDE WORLD! What outside world??"" Okay, maybe the story was a little different, with a little more detail and whatever... but the essence is the same. The point of the story is that the first toad was so consumed in his own little well, that he actually believed that the entire world constituted just the tiny well!!! now that toad needs some perspective!!
Secondly, I've realised that I've been blaming my classmates for a lot of things recently. Like, I've been saying that they've retreated into a shell, and that they weren't letting anyone in and that noone could relate to any of them in a group. And I did believe that that was the problem - THEM. But then, I sat down and thought and deliberated and considered the situation.... OKay! NO i didn't. Realisation just struck me. And you'll be surprised to find out when! During the parent teacher meeting, something just changed. Suddenly, it didnt seem like their fault anymore, but mine. then I felt that I was being too hard on myself, it wasn't all my fault, but at the same time it wasn't all theirs. It was shared. I mean, I dindt have enough time to try and get to know them as well as I would have liked and so those guys decided to stick to whom they knew best.
Also, I've realised another very important thing. At the beginning of the year (the academic year, that is), within like a week, most of us came to the conclusion that this would be the best class ever, and our best year ever. That was based on what seniors had told us, about 11th and 12th being the best ever in your whole school life. So naturally, our expecations were high. And also, the first week of 11th was like this - no serious work, all fun! So we did tend to see only the carefree. fun-loving side of our new classmates. We did tend to compare the new classmates with our former clasmates, in my class 10 A guys and girls. But by the end of the first week, I for one was sure that this was definately gonna be the best time ever.
Infact, it was like that. What with free-period entire-class volleyball matches and PT preiod football match (yes! they actually let us GIRLS play!!) and afetr school bet-matches (sssh! thats a secret) for which we were 'coach', 'cheerleaders' and so on...
Things went bad just before the first term exams. the ban on staying after school and going down in free periods was the beginning. We had no "class time". We were all too pre-occupied with exams to even think about anything else! But somehow the guys found time for each other. Whether it was "gossip sessions" at one's house or pool somewhere else, they still 'bonded'. We never noticed anything until after the exams. When the guys just seemed to disappear, and we began to feel out-of-the-loop. A rift was created. It was going to be hard to bridge. We did try, but the gap was too far. I didnt realize that criticism and blaming wasn't going to help! Because thats just what i did. And now I feel really bad. But i never realised then. We managed to talk sense into a few of them, but they were still unapproachable in a group. I was on a verge of "I was so wrong. The only thing I know for sure now is that my hopes of this being the best year ever were all down the drain".
Thats when the above-stated realisation happened. And now, just yesterday, I told my best friend in the group and in my eyes "leader" of the gang that i was so wrong, and that both of us needed a new chance to forget whatever wierdness has happened. And he sounded so thankful that it made me wonder if I had been overly judgemental and too quick to condemn? I really dont know. All I know is that I want to see the individuality in those guys again. I want to be able to talk to each of them as individuals and not try in vain to get their attention but screaming and shouting! I have lowered my expectations, maybe this wont be the best year ever, but I can make it good. All I need, is a little help from my friends.