It's that time of year again, when music is in the air, happiness in the heart and all the sweaters and blankets have come out of the dusty closets! Yep, it's Winter. It's Christmas time. To any FAPS band senior member its means just one thing... "Carolling". The night of the 21st was the appointed day, 3 pm the appointed hour (to be in school), though in true band style, everyone was assembled by 4! The "Merry Carollers", as Taru Vijay put it, consisted of - NS and Mr.Meakin; Anil, Deepak and Kavya on the Trumpet; Arkal on the Cornet; Mohini and Indu on the Trombone; Tarini Srinivas (Tarini) and Tarini Vijay (Taru) on the Euphonium; Arvind on the Tuba. Our first stop was Little Sisters of The Poor, Home for the aged. We played in the dining hall, just before they ate their dinner. We played the usual Christmas Carols - "Jingle Bells", "Joy to the World" ........ "Silent Night" and of course, "We wish You a merry christmas". Anil and Mohini had a sudden fixation for Silent Night (I really dont know why)!! Taru was asked to give a speech, that became a standard line as we went from house to house. She said, ' on behalf of the Frank Anthony Puublic School, we would like to wish you a merry christmas and a very happy new year, and wish to see you next year'. Instead of saying "we look forward to seeing you next year" Taru said, "we wish (or hope) to see you next year" which does not have very nice implications in an Old Age Home! Ofcourse, with NS, Mr.Meakin and Anil and Arkal around, nothing was gonna be forgotten! Instantaneously they pounced on her and started laughing!
Next stop, Mr.Boye's house. There after playing, we got our first wine, after Apple juice and 'kalkal's and Rose cookies. There, Taru said, "On behalf of the Frank Anthony Public School...", although even Mr. and Mrs. Boye are a part of the school!! :P
We then stopped over at Mrs.Ramachandran's (Mrs.Nair) house - Ranka Court. Ginger biscuits were the treat there. The whole family listened in, and Roshan was the main subject of discussion!
Mrs.Cabral's House - Adorable Mrs.Cabral was as sweet as ever. 'Kalkal's here too. and Ginger wine, that was really good, a little throat burning types but really good! Plum cake for everyone.
Mohini's House - Wine, Punch, amazing Bread Rolls, chips. And lots of really cute pics of the family with Santa Hats on, including their Grandad.
Jennie's House - Cake (that had been specially bought for us), and chips and soft drinks. It was treat in itself to see Jen, Jo and Jessie. Poor Jo is really sick with some Viral infection, and has been for more than 3 weeks. There wqas no current, so we were going to play by candlelight, but it was too dim to read our music, so Mr.Meakin held up this emergency light thing for us to play by.
Somerset Apartments:
Ramya Mallya's House - wine, chocolates and food that we couldnt eat because we were all a lil full already!
Some party - we played to a crowd of about 25 who were gathered in one house for a party, including Sherwin, Christopher and Pranoy. They even sang along with whatever carols they knew. Plum cake
Akshara's House - (Her room is really really really amazing, the best i've ever seen!). We played carols, and then Aks took Taru's Euph and played with us. We played Short Episodes, messed it up a lot, but still had fun with it! We then ate lot of pizza, had a lil Sprite and Coke and a few good Guyllian chocolates. (yum!) It was i think about 12 by now... the time is very fuzzy cos i was having too much fun!! :P A lil misundertanding took place, but what's carolling, without controversy!!
Mr.Meakin's Sister's House - Jamun Wine! Plum cake. A very very cute baby girl - "Joanne". Mr.Meakin's niece. We spent maximum time here because NS was having such a great time.
Mikhail's House - Wine, soft drinks, Liquo (pron, Likyo) - some kind of drink that we found out after drinking it conc, that it shud be drunk with something! Mo got a litte "head-spinny" on it!! good cake too. There was dog there that would just not keep its paws off Tarini. It was hilarious, she was stalked by the dog!! We found out there that we couldnt go to Amrita's or Tara's because both were asleep.
Arpana's House - At 2 am we reached Arpana Alexander's house. They were all sleeping. Tarini was supposed to have called to wake her, and though she called, no one answered, because, as we found out later, Arpana had put the phone on silent instead of loud! Arpana played with Tarini on Taru's Euph. Some homemade Christmas delicacies!
Anna's House - Anna's brother was too fast asleep to get up even for the loud music of the band! Anna didnt play with us, she just stood and enjoyed! Awesome food - little pieces of bread with amazing toppings on them, like pizza flavoured. (I ate so much of it!!)
Smrithi's House - The last house on our agenda. We reached at 4 am. Manu was there too, which was a surprise for us, especially pleasant for Arvind! We got these awesome cutlets, for veggies. They were lovely. And Smrithi's room was really cute... purple walls and yellow cupboard door, and so many medals, and a really cute collage of nice pics!!
From there we dropped off, Mo and Taru; Arkal; Deepak; Tarini; went back to school dropped off all the stuff, Arvind walked; Anil; Indu; and last Me. Mr.Meakin then dropped NS off at a place where he could pic up an auto, and went home.
In the van throughout, the girls sang as much as we possibly could, and the guys just laughed!!
What a night... It was one-of-a-kind!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
A Musical Bonanza...
Blogger's Note: This is a special blog, written on request! Hope you like it! though it's more about Rodrigues House than anything else!
The most awaited event of the year for all FAPSians in the inter-house Music Competition. This is so for a number of reasons, the most obvious of these being the fact that it is the last inter house event of both, the calendar year and the academic year, and the 10ths and 12ths have only Prelims to look forward too after this. For the others, the third term is a very boring uneventful term compared to the 2nd so we enjoy this event to the max! For me, music competition has always had special significance, because I love music in any form! Having taken part everyyear since my 6th standard, i was more than familiar with the procedure of preparation for this event. This year was a little more special for me in two ways, being Vice Captain for Music along with Tarini, we had a role to play in organizing the whole thing along with the Music Captains and NS, ofcourse! Also, this year Rodrigues house was more or less in the hands of Prashanthi and me, our captains, being very busy with their Phy projects and the likes.
The competition was scheduled for 14th December, 2007, a mere 7 days after the last day of our Second Term exams, that ended on 7th Dec. Ah! that week of preparation is always full of tension, ego-clashes, sparks and if we're unlucky, spats and tears. The first few days are never hectic, we all imagine that we have more than enough time to complete our preparations. So the weekend passed with little or no practice, except for D'mello House who were very clever and very dedicated! Come monday, the tension began to build. Our first priority was getting good singers, and we hadn't even been able to hold proper selections. So we spent some time on making sure that our singer weren't tone deaf! Then we had to choose a song for the 'Indian' category, which proved to be a very cumbersome and time-consuming task. After we came to the conclusion that most of the Rodrigues House guys could not sing really well, we figured that we might as well pick some really simple song and try and jazz it up a bit! So we decided on "Koi Mil Gaya" from Kuch kuch Hota Hai, much to the amazement of the other houses. I'm sure they laughed at the folly of our choice!!
Our carol was not much of a problem. Having Amodh on our side, we figured some traditional carol would sound best, but our bright idea was scorned at by sir... He gave us a carol - "Torches", something no one had heard of before. In theory, a very simple piece. Without Prashanthi singing alto though, we would never have had a chance! Now came the question of Western. We should have been smart like Corbett house and picked something that we knew, and we could teach. "Lookin out my back door" was the piece assigned to us, a mere 2 days before D-Day. With much difficulty, we learnt all the songs. Unfortunately one very imp detail that we forgot to consider, was costumes! We finalized the costumes only the day before 14th!
In between all of this, we had to take selections for Open Event. The very fact that we had to take selections for an "open" event makes it clear how much of competition there is for this particular category. There were 30 aspirants of which we were allowed to choose only 6. It wasn't easy. And although we were completely fair, it was most of our friends that got selected. Well! we cant help it if our friends were the best singers in school! After much deliberation and debate, we settled on the final 6. 2 of them, clearly stood out, but one refused to sing, because she did not have the minus 1 track!
The big day dawned cloudy and cold, and we were expected to be in school before7:30 am! We didnt get much done in the morning, Rodrigues house had just one practice. I'm not really sure about the other houses, because I spent most of my time writing out the scoresheets (the order of houses) in the Music Room. The Trophies, fresh out of being polished, looked brand new and had an amazing silver shine!
The competetion, scheduled to start at 9:30, began very late, at about 10:15 if I remember right! Anna gave the opening speech, well, a little too fast. But you can't blame her, she was nervous. We had a very special guest with us, former head girl of FAPS, actor (Chak-de India), Anaitha Nair. Nope, no snobbishness around her, she was just your typical FAPSian, as Zubin put it very rightly, a little later!
The order of Houses was as follows, Gidney, D'mello, Corbett and Rodrgues - going by the order in which we all placed the previous year. As tradition holds, we began with the junior school groups singing two carols each, trained by their teachers, Mr.Daunt and Mr.Fabian. NS was giving what we called "a running commentory" between houses. The comperes did a great job as usual, with Shane and Jolly Jr entertaining everyone for Rodrigues House. Smrithi and Krishna, for Corbett, but Zubin and Naquia did a little bit just before the junior school part! Maggu and BD for Gidney; and Khanna and Pooja for D'mello.
Indian Solo followed this. With Soda representing Gidney, DK representing D'mello, a 10th std girl who's name i didnt get representing Corbett. And a sweet little 8th std girl representing Rodrigues!
Indian Group turned out to be very interesting, with Gidney screwing up pitch majorly and then getting back on track, D'mello lacking a bit life, Rodriuges totally dead, and Corbett simply amazing!
Western Solo - Taru Vijay for Gidney, Jyotsna for D'mello, Jennie for Corbett, Shane for Rodrigues.
Western Group, nothing much different here. Gidney wasnt bad actually! acc to reports, cos I didnt here them. D'mello was great, Corbett even better and us - well, I'd rather not talk about it. I wouldn't know where to start, with the horrible tempo change, or the even more horrible Altos.
Carol, i think, was the best category for the houses. Rodrigues wasn't bad at all, Gidney - didnt hear them :( D'mello was great, but Corbett blew the crowd away! and all of us too. They were unbelievable!!
Open event - most awaited!! Grace and Dileep - didnt hear them :( Tara, with a lil voice training, she's the next Madhuri... amazing! except for a few notes, but that was cos of her cold. Zubin - wow! but not as amzing as selections - there he really shocked me! never knew he could sing so well!! Dominic - the finale... we sure saved the best for the last! creme de la creme! i swear.. what a voice. Still a little trouble jumping octaves, but anyone'll have trouble with that. He was brilliant.
Vote of Thanks - moi!
Prize Distribution - aah! Corbett took like a clean sweep... except Indian solo. Everything else was theirs. Prizes were given out by Anaitha, with Mr.Boye reading the results. As usual he made a little "mistake". "2nd place goes to Rodrigues House" cheering in the crowd, but a little muffled. becasue of shock, " OH! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I read the wrong heading.. It goes to D'mello House"!! anyway...
As tradition holds, we went to Corner House after much time-wasting and celebrating in school. And as we were leaving, the 12ths entered!
Oh! It was Ramya Mallya's birthday, and the 12thies did their special birthday song thing!!
There are plans brewing for another fun day out! hopefully, it'll be as great as we hope!!
The most awaited event of the year for all FAPSians in the inter-house Music Competition. This is so for a number of reasons, the most obvious of these being the fact that it is the last inter house event of both, the calendar year and the academic year, and the 10ths and 12ths have only Prelims to look forward too after this. For the others, the third term is a very boring uneventful term compared to the 2nd so we enjoy this event to the max! For me, music competition has always had special significance, because I love music in any form! Having taken part everyyear since my 6th standard, i was more than familiar with the procedure of preparation for this event. This year was a little more special for me in two ways, being Vice Captain for Music along with Tarini, we had a role to play in organizing the whole thing along with the Music Captains and NS, ofcourse! Also, this year Rodrigues house was more or less in the hands of Prashanthi and me, our captains, being very busy with their Phy projects and the likes.
The competition was scheduled for 14th December, 2007, a mere 7 days after the last day of our Second Term exams, that ended on 7th Dec. Ah! that week of preparation is always full of tension, ego-clashes, sparks and if we're unlucky, spats and tears. The first few days are never hectic, we all imagine that we have more than enough time to complete our preparations. So the weekend passed with little or no practice, except for D'mello House who were very clever and very dedicated! Come monday, the tension began to build. Our first priority was getting good singers, and we hadn't even been able to hold proper selections. So we spent some time on making sure that our singer weren't tone deaf! Then we had to choose a song for the 'Indian' category, which proved to be a very cumbersome and time-consuming task. After we came to the conclusion that most of the Rodrigues House guys could not sing really well, we figured that we might as well pick some really simple song and try and jazz it up a bit! So we decided on "Koi Mil Gaya" from Kuch kuch Hota Hai, much to the amazement of the other houses. I'm sure they laughed at the folly of our choice!!
Our carol was not much of a problem. Having Amodh on our side, we figured some traditional carol would sound best, but our bright idea was scorned at by sir... He gave us a carol - "Torches", something no one had heard of before. In theory, a very simple piece. Without Prashanthi singing alto though, we would never have had a chance! Now came the question of Western. We should have been smart like Corbett house and picked something that we knew, and we could teach. "Lookin out my back door" was the piece assigned to us, a mere 2 days before D-Day. With much difficulty, we learnt all the songs. Unfortunately one very imp detail that we forgot to consider, was costumes! We finalized the costumes only the day before 14th!
In between all of this, we had to take selections for Open Event. The very fact that we had to take selections for an "open" event makes it clear how much of competition there is for this particular category. There were 30 aspirants of which we were allowed to choose only 6. It wasn't easy. And although we were completely fair, it was most of our friends that got selected. Well! we cant help it if our friends were the best singers in school! After much deliberation and debate, we settled on the final 6. 2 of them, clearly stood out, but one refused to sing, because she did not have the minus 1 track!
The big day dawned cloudy and cold, and we were expected to be in school before7:30 am! We didnt get much done in the morning, Rodrigues house had just one practice. I'm not really sure about the other houses, because I spent most of my time writing out the scoresheets (the order of houses) in the Music Room. The Trophies, fresh out of being polished, looked brand new and had an amazing silver shine!
The competetion, scheduled to start at 9:30, began very late, at about 10:15 if I remember right! Anna gave the opening speech, well, a little too fast. But you can't blame her, she was nervous. We had a very special guest with us, former head girl of FAPS, actor (Chak-de India), Anaitha Nair. Nope, no snobbishness around her, she was just your typical FAPSian, as Zubin put it very rightly, a little later!
The order of Houses was as follows, Gidney, D'mello, Corbett and Rodrgues - going by the order in which we all placed the previous year. As tradition holds, we began with the junior school groups singing two carols each, trained by their teachers, Mr.Daunt and Mr.Fabian. NS was giving what we called "a running commentory" between houses. The comperes did a great job as usual, with Shane and Jolly Jr entertaining everyone for Rodrigues House. Smrithi and Krishna, for Corbett, but Zubin and Naquia did a little bit just before the junior school part! Maggu and BD for Gidney; and Khanna and Pooja for D'mello.
Indian Solo followed this. With Soda representing Gidney, DK representing D'mello, a 10th std girl who's name i didnt get representing Corbett. And a sweet little 8th std girl representing Rodrigues!
Indian Group turned out to be very interesting, with Gidney screwing up pitch majorly and then getting back on track, D'mello lacking a bit life, Rodriuges totally dead, and Corbett simply amazing!
Western Solo - Taru Vijay for Gidney, Jyotsna for D'mello, Jennie for Corbett, Shane for Rodrigues.
Western Group, nothing much different here. Gidney wasnt bad actually! acc to reports, cos I didnt here them. D'mello was great, Corbett even better and us - well, I'd rather not talk about it. I wouldn't know where to start, with the horrible tempo change, or the even more horrible Altos.
Carol, i think, was the best category for the houses. Rodrigues wasn't bad at all, Gidney - didnt hear them :( D'mello was great, but Corbett blew the crowd away! and all of us too. They were unbelievable!!
Open event - most awaited!! Grace and Dileep - didnt hear them :( Tara, with a lil voice training, she's the next Madhuri... amazing! except for a few notes, but that was cos of her cold. Zubin - wow! but not as amzing as selections - there he really shocked me! never knew he could sing so well!! Dominic - the finale... we sure saved the best for the last! creme de la creme! i swear.. what a voice. Still a little trouble jumping octaves, but anyone'll have trouble with that. He was brilliant.
Vote of Thanks - moi!
Prize Distribution - aah! Corbett took like a clean sweep... except Indian solo. Everything else was theirs. Prizes were given out by Anaitha, with Mr.Boye reading the results. As usual he made a little "mistake". "2nd place goes to Rodrigues House" cheering in the crowd, but a little muffled. becasue of shock, " OH! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I read the wrong heading.. It goes to D'mello House"!! anyway...
As tradition holds, we went to Corner House after much time-wasting and celebrating in school. And as we were leaving, the 12ths entered!
Oh! It was Ramya Mallya's birthday, and the 12thies did their special birthday song thing!!
There are plans brewing for another fun day out! hopefully, it'll be as great as we hope!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Words...
"You're not a parameter I judge myself by"
One simple un-thought statement caused so much pain. And I didnt even realize this until a week after I said it. If I were to justify myself then I would say that I was in tensed because of my exams. But nothing could possibly justify what i said. And he certainly did prove me wrong, He did turn out to be a parameter for me to judge myself by. I never knew that I caused the pain in the first place, but I should have. And the sad part is, that I probably won't learn from this, and I will just go ahead and hurt someone all over again. Is there a way to learn from this kind of thing?
I am apologetic, I do regret. But I don't know how to express this feeling! I don't want to bring it up incase i just go on and say the wrong things and hurt him more, but I do want to make him understand that I stand corrected.
Mistakes are sometimes hard to fix... Words sometimes get stuck in one's mouth... Words sometimes come tumbling out of one's mouth in a rush, too fast to stop, and things are said that are later regretted
One simple un-thought statement caused so much pain. And I didnt even realize this until a week after I said it. If I were to justify myself then I would say that I was in tensed because of my exams. But nothing could possibly justify what i said. And he certainly did prove me wrong, He did turn out to be a parameter for me to judge myself by. I never knew that I caused the pain in the first place, but I should have. And the sad part is, that I probably won't learn from this, and I will just go ahead and hurt someone all over again. Is there a way to learn from this kind of thing?
I am apologetic, I do regret. But I don't know how to express this feeling! I don't want to bring it up incase i just go on and say the wrong things and hurt him more, but I do want to make him understand that I stand corrected.
Mistakes are sometimes hard to fix... Words sometimes get stuck in one's mouth... Words sometimes come tumbling out of one's mouth in a rush, too fast to stop, and things are said that are later regretted
Friday, December 7, 2007
Confessions of a Girl with no pen name
Blogger's Note: This starts off as something about clinging to the past then just gradually moves into "me", so brace youselves - this is more I've written about myself in, 4 years, i think! Thanks for reading...
I tend to cling on to old images, images of me, just because I'm afraid to embrace a new me. I'm so used to being what everyone thinks I am that I don't even realize that maybe I have changed.
Take for instance the fact that I used to be a tomboy. I still like to think of myself as one and maybe there's an intrinsic boyish quiality in me (don't laugh guys, you have a feminine side too!). Like, I'm into F1 and cricket, and cars are a passion (to an extent). I never was very interested in Barbies but then neither was I crazy about GI.Joes. But that was because of the way I was brought up - Never put too much value in materials. I had two barbies - both birthday gifts from friends and one Kelly doll. But then, I'm a big softie for cuddly,soft toys, beanie babies and huggables.
I like dressing up - I mean, not make up and ultimate hairstyles, but matching clothes and nice earrings (i'm a big fan of the earrings!). Shoes! Not a passion. Shopping - Yuck! I can't stand it. I mean, if its necessary then fine, but for pleasure, no way! That's why i prefer going shopping with my dad, its quick and accomplishes the purpose. If I go with my mum or sis or both then I bug them so much that we're home within the hour! I hate going to 500 shops and trying on variations of the same outfit or shoe and then realizing that the first one was the best anyway. I'd much rather buy the first thing I like and then if I like something else, buy that too...
On the other hand, I like senti movies, chick-flicks, teen flicks, and soppy TV serials (Except Desperate Housewives and the Bold and the Beautiful). But then, I'm not really into romantic novels preferring Jefferey Archer, Robert Ludlum, Alistair Maclain and such action-ish books. I mean, I don't mind a little love in an action-based story, like MI3, but love as the basis of the story is a little too much for me! The only one tolerable such book I've read is 'A suitable boy'. Quite a nice book, I must say.
I'm quite a normal girl when it comes to bursting into fits of laughter and spasms of giggles. I love Archies, Teen-based series like '8 simple rules' and 'Malcolm in the Middle', 'Lizzie Maguire' and 'As told by Ginger'.
I'm not boy-crazy, but i have had my bout of "crushes"! It used to be that I'd much rather go out and play than sit around with my friends talking, till a few months ago. But that has changed too.
I love making cards, hate shopping for gifts. I'm emotional about things like "Last full day of school" and "Last 3:20 school bell I'll hear"
I hate social gatherings like Weddings and Tam Bram thread ceremonies (Tam Bram - Tamil Brahmin). I can't stand to meet relatives who I havent seen in a decade. Friends are fine, close family is fine, but not distant relatives... This is because i'm very uncomfortable while talking to someone I don't know personally. I suck at social skills, actually, I have none!
I hate the customs of certain festivals where the girls are expected to look all pretty and dolled-up. I don't want a traditional 4-day long Tam Bram wedding. I want to go for atleast one hard-rock concert, attend atleast one F1 race live, watch Federer play live just once...
I'm quite the sentimental goose, I save things up like movie stubs and napkins from aircrafts just for memory's sake. I love automobile magazines, but don't get them at home unless my cousin comes.
Love puppies, scared of dogs, cats I like but fear their claws. I visualize too easily, imagine too quick, fear without reason and by my friends do stick (hey! it rhymes).
I hate male chauvinists! but then, I hate female chauvinists too. I believe that mean and women are equal; different, but equal. I hate women who say, "We're better" and men who say, "We're superior".
I hate politicians who don't keep up their word, authors who dont believe in what they write about, musicians who dont love what they play and scholars who dont have a thirst for knowledge.
I get hurt really fast and tears are easy to come. I hate showing that I can be vulnerable but at times, try to get attention by being vulnerable. I compare myself with one certain person too much and kick myself about it once in a while. Sometimes I know that I'm a hypocrite because I feel that I'm better than other epople, but thyese are few and far between.
I act like I dont care about what other people think, but in reality, i do!
There are things in me that I want to change but am too afraid to contemplate the new me. I seem sure of what I want to do, focused, controlled! But actually, I'm just as confused as the next 16 year old.
People think that I'm quite the brain. The fact is, I just have bookish knowledge. I happen to have a good short-term memory, but that wont help me in the long run.
I've committed sins, then looked for atonement... I think I've quelled ie all.
I love praises (is there anyone who doesn't?), but flattery will only get you upto a certain point with me.
I have problems concelaing some feelings, but others seem to be locked away in a secret, theft-proof safe somewhere inside me.
I believe that I can be a leader, but I believe that I am not trully one yet.
I'm inspired by many, but have no role model or idol, envious of quite a few, but not jealous.
I can accept things. It takes me time to adapt to change but not that long.
I cant stand criticism, but do my best to accpet it.
I started this blog to be a part of a particular group, but now i'm hooked for my sake. But even now, I still keep the reader in mind, and reveal only 99%. That 1% is still concealed. Many people know me. But only a few know 99%. No one has that centum.
I used to long for certain things - comforts, luxuries; but now I'm beyond that. At times I feel ageless - sometimes like a real kid, and at others like a really old, worldly-wise person. MOst of the time, though, I feel like me - young, confused, vulnerable.
I have horrible judgement of people. If I think you're a horrid person, chances are you're one of the micest, most sincere guys there could be.
I trust too many, yet trust so few...
You think I'm confused?
Look at yourself...
I tend to cling on to old images, images of me, just because I'm afraid to embrace a new me. I'm so used to being what everyone thinks I am that I don't even realize that maybe I have changed.
Take for instance the fact that I used to be a tomboy. I still like to think of myself as one and maybe there's an intrinsic boyish quiality in me (don't laugh guys, you have a feminine side too!). Like, I'm into F1 and cricket, and cars are a passion (to an extent). I never was very interested in Barbies but then neither was I crazy about GI.Joes. But that was because of the way I was brought up - Never put too much value in materials. I had two barbies - both birthday gifts from friends and one Kelly doll. But then, I'm a big softie for cuddly,soft toys, beanie babies and huggables.
I like dressing up - I mean, not make up and ultimate hairstyles, but matching clothes and nice earrings (i'm a big fan of the earrings!). Shoes! Not a passion. Shopping - Yuck! I can't stand it. I mean, if its necessary then fine, but for pleasure, no way! That's why i prefer going shopping with my dad, its quick and accomplishes the purpose. If I go with my mum or sis or both then I bug them so much that we're home within the hour! I hate going to 500 shops and trying on variations of the same outfit or shoe and then realizing that the first one was the best anyway. I'd much rather buy the first thing I like and then if I like something else, buy that too...
On the other hand, I like senti movies, chick-flicks, teen flicks, and soppy TV serials (Except Desperate Housewives and the Bold and the Beautiful). But then, I'm not really into romantic novels preferring Jefferey Archer, Robert Ludlum, Alistair Maclain and such action-ish books. I mean, I don't mind a little love in an action-based story, like MI3, but love as the basis of the story is a little too much for me! The only one tolerable such book I've read is 'A suitable boy'. Quite a nice book, I must say.
I'm quite a normal girl when it comes to bursting into fits of laughter and spasms of giggles. I love Archies, Teen-based series like '8 simple rules' and 'Malcolm in the Middle', 'Lizzie Maguire' and 'As told by Ginger'.
I'm not boy-crazy, but i have had my bout of "crushes"! It used to be that I'd much rather go out and play than sit around with my friends talking, till a few months ago. But that has changed too.
I love making cards, hate shopping for gifts. I'm emotional about things like "Last full day of school" and "Last 3:20 school bell I'll hear"
I hate social gatherings like Weddings and Tam Bram thread ceremonies (Tam Bram - Tamil Brahmin). I can't stand to meet relatives who I havent seen in a decade. Friends are fine, close family is fine, but not distant relatives... This is because i'm very uncomfortable while talking to someone I don't know personally. I suck at social skills, actually, I have none!
I hate the customs of certain festivals where the girls are expected to look all pretty and dolled-up. I don't want a traditional 4-day long Tam Bram wedding. I want to go for atleast one hard-rock concert, attend atleast one F1 race live, watch Federer play live just once...
I'm quite the sentimental goose, I save things up like movie stubs and napkins from aircrafts just for memory's sake. I love automobile magazines, but don't get them at home unless my cousin comes.
Love puppies, scared of dogs, cats I like but fear their claws. I visualize too easily, imagine too quick, fear without reason and by my friends do stick (hey! it rhymes).
I hate male chauvinists! but then, I hate female chauvinists too. I believe that mean and women are equal; different, but equal. I hate women who say, "We're better" and men who say, "We're superior".
I hate politicians who don't keep up their word, authors who dont believe in what they write about, musicians who dont love what they play and scholars who dont have a thirst for knowledge.
I get hurt really fast and tears are easy to come. I hate showing that I can be vulnerable but at times, try to get attention by being vulnerable. I compare myself with one certain person too much and kick myself about it once in a while. Sometimes I know that I'm a hypocrite because I feel that I'm better than other epople, but thyese are few and far between.
I act like I dont care about what other people think, but in reality, i do!
There are things in me that I want to change but am too afraid to contemplate the new me. I seem sure of what I want to do, focused, controlled! But actually, I'm just as confused as the next 16 year old.
People think that I'm quite the brain. The fact is, I just have bookish knowledge. I happen to have a good short-term memory, but that wont help me in the long run.
I've committed sins, then looked for atonement... I think I've quelled ie all.
I love praises (is there anyone who doesn't?), but flattery will only get you upto a certain point with me.
I have problems concelaing some feelings, but others seem to be locked away in a secret, theft-proof safe somewhere inside me.
I believe that I can be a leader, but I believe that I am not trully one yet.
I'm inspired by many, but have no role model or idol, envious of quite a few, but not jealous.
I can accept things. It takes me time to adapt to change but not that long.
I cant stand criticism, but do my best to accpet it.
I started this blog to be a part of a particular group, but now i'm hooked for my sake. But even now, I still keep the reader in mind, and reveal only 99%. That 1% is still concealed. Many people know me. But only a few know 99%. No one has that centum.
I used to long for certain things - comforts, luxuries; but now I'm beyond that. At times I feel ageless - sometimes like a real kid, and at others like a really old, worldly-wise person. MOst of the time, though, I feel like me - young, confused, vulnerable.
I have horrible judgement of people. If I think you're a horrid person, chances are you're one of the micest, most sincere guys there could be.
I trust too many, yet trust so few...
You think I'm confused?
Look at yourself...
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Her
"Yuck!", she said, "Eww! Horrible taste". She was actually "tut-tutting" with disapproval. The worst part was that he was right there, two seats down from me. He was in his little group, as usual, talking about something or the other instead of working. She had a comment for that too. "They're just trying to impress us", she muttered! "Well! Don't be so cock-sure! They're always talking. Can you be any louder?!?", I wanted to say, but instead i just laughed out, and LOUD. Then she said, "Now that was loud...". I felt like... no, I didn't feel like hitting her. Imean, this was expected. I just wished she'd shut up. Now I felt all wierd. I had warned her that looks weren't everything, but she insisted on comparing!
All my other friends had no comments... But then, maybe they were being nice! It's possible. Diplomatic creatures that they are. Well, i said, i don't care, and it doesn't make a difference either way!
Blogger's note: I'm sorry about this wierd entry! I had written out this really nice entry but i dont know where i put those stupid sheets of paper! so anyway... When i find it! I'll post it!
All my other friends had no comments... But then, maybe they were being nice! It's possible. Diplomatic creatures that they are. Well, i said, i don't care, and it doesn't make a difference either way!
Blogger's note: I'm sorry about this wierd entry! I had written out this really nice entry but i dont know where i put those stupid sheets of paper! so anyway... When i find it! I'll post it!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Brazilian Grand Prix
blogger's note: this is basically like my thoughts on the Brazilian GP. Basically i wrote it for my dad. But its really late! sorry dad!
The Brazilian Grand Prix was a thrilling end to an action-packed, controversial season of Formula 1 racing. The much awaited season finale was a dream ending to a riotous season. For the first time since the 1980s, three drivers entered the last race fighting for the championship. Lewis Hamilton – rookie driver, aiming to be the youngest champion has been the hot favorite throughout the year, apparently in the Mclaren Team too! Two time world champion, Fernando Alonso has had quite a stormy season, with troubles within his own team and, in the last couple of races, with his performance. But he had his die-hard supporters egging him on. Kimi Raikkonen in his first season for Ferrari, after five years with Mclaren, had all of Ferrari’s supporters rooting for him. Until the Chinese GP, he did not even appear to be a serious contender for the title as he was far behind Hamilton.
Hamilton, Alonso and Raikkonen entered this week's race with 107, 103 and 100 points respectively. the stage was set, apparently for Lewid who started from the first row of the starting grid. After and excellent Q3 session for Massa, he took the pole with some stunning lap times at his home circuit.
Kimi and Alonso shared the second row. Alonso had a fairly poor qualifying session without his usual confidence and brilliance being projected. As the five green lights went out to signify the beginning of the end (as in, last race!), the Ferraris surged ahead of the Mclaren drivers. Both Lewis and Fernando were at a disadvantage as they both started from the fairly unused, dusty side of the grid.
Raikkonen on passing Hamilton seemed dangerously close to Massa for an instant, but immediately settled behind him into 2nd place realizing the danger in pushing any harder. Although Alonso got the upper hand over Hamilton, Lewis was not in the mood to throw the championship away just like that. An overly eager, or rather, slightly desperate Hamilton got rather too close to his teammate and was forced to go off the track onto the gravel. This caused him to fall down to 8th place, just out of reach of that title. Displaying some amazing driving, better than we’ve seen all season, he moved into 6th place, the perfect position to be for him. Let me explain, at this point what the outcome would have been like had things continued this way. Massa in first place would have gone on to win at his home circuit, earning even more support and ofcourse boundless pleasure. Kimi, coming in second would have gotten 8 points giving him a total of 108 points. Alonso, in 3rd place would have earned 6 points giving him a total of 109. Hamilton would have won the championship by earning 3 points for placing 6th giving him a total of 110. But in F1, nothing stays constant, nothing is a guarantee.
I missed a major part of the race where Kimi took the lead from Massa, (thanks mom and krupa) so I don’t know how that happened! (Please enlighten me if you know!) But before this, there was a major turn of events. In what seemed to be an irreversible tragedy for Hamilton, he began to slow down suddenly. He was moving, but hardly so. For a lap, it looked as though he was out of the running and then his car suddenly began to gain speed. As we learned later, he had some trouble with his gearbox. He dropped to 18th place. What a blow for his overenthusiastic fans!
In the meanwhile, Kimi pulled away into the lead and even Massa seemed to be unable to keep up with his pace. He even set the fastest lap of the race!
Alonso, behind the two Ferraris seemed to be painfully trudging along, all hope of Championship lost unless something went horribly wrong for one of the two Ferraris ahead of him.
As the chase in front was in progress, Hamilton, from the back, was creeping up his way into the top 10. With 8 laps to go, he was in 7th position. He needed to finish 6th, to equal Raikkonen’s points. With 8 laps to go, the gap between him and Nick Heidfeld was about 17 seconds. Although he was lapping a second faster than Heidfeld, it looked like he was going to run out of laps.
With 3 laps remaining and Kimi going faster than ever, Ferrari fans sat with their fingers, toes and whatever else possible, crossed, praying for nothing to go wrong. 1 lap to go and Kimi was nearly there. Chequered Flag! He’s won the race. Ecstasy. Celebration time has… but wait! What was just on screen, 5th and 6th place Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld were way too close for comfort. My heart stopped for a nanosecond until they separated to a comfortable distance.
Breath holding continued for a few more seconds until they both safely crossed the line. Quick math was done to ensure that our calculations were right. Pregnant silence prevails, listening to the commentator in anticipation of a confirmation of our hopes. Team Radio of Ferrari, “Lewis has safely crossed the line in 7th, it’s all over. By our calculations, you’ve won it!” Pure ecstasy. Unthinkable happiness. What seemed impossible three races ago has happened! Even before the start of the race today it was possible but not probable.
Thoughts during the race (at various points): [1] Before the race, “To win, Kimi would have had to finish first with Alonso 3rd or below and Hamilton 7th or less. No way! Like that’s gonna happen” [2] During the race - “NO! Kimi’s second. Massa’s too good here. Kimi’ll never pass him, Oh no!” [3] 1 lap to go - “What if the 5th or 6th crash out? Lewis’ll win by default. Oh my gosh! What tension!” [4] After the race - “Yay! Yay! Yay!”
The well deserving champion rises out of his vehicle and we see jubilation, though not jubilation like we expected – more like shocked, stunned, dampened jubilation. The true joy is seen on the podium, rather, when he leaps onto the podium. The unexpected has happened. The impossible really IS possible. But hey that’s F1!
The Brazilian Grand Prix was a thrilling end to an action-packed, controversial season of Formula 1 racing. The much awaited season finale was a dream ending to a riotous season. For the first time since the 1980s, three drivers entered the last race fighting for the championship. Lewis Hamilton – rookie driver, aiming to be the youngest champion has been the hot favorite throughout the year, apparently in the Mclaren Team too! Two time world champion, Fernando Alonso has had quite a stormy season, with troubles within his own team and, in the last couple of races, with his performance. But he had his die-hard supporters egging him on. Kimi Raikkonen in his first season for Ferrari, after five years with Mclaren, had all of Ferrari’s supporters rooting for him. Until the Chinese GP, he did not even appear to be a serious contender for the title as he was far behind Hamilton.
Hamilton, Alonso and Raikkonen entered this week's race with 107, 103 and 100 points respectively. the stage was set, apparently for Lewid who started from the first row of the starting grid. After and excellent Q3 session for Massa, he took the pole with some stunning lap times at his home circuit.
Kimi and Alonso shared the second row. Alonso had a fairly poor qualifying session without his usual confidence and brilliance being projected. As the five green lights went out to signify the beginning of the end (as in, last race!), the Ferraris surged ahead of the Mclaren drivers. Both Lewis and Fernando were at a disadvantage as they both started from the fairly unused, dusty side of the grid.
Raikkonen on passing Hamilton seemed dangerously close to Massa for an instant, but immediately settled behind him into 2nd place realizing the danger in pushing any harder. Although Alonso got the upper hand over Hamilton, Lewis was not in the mood to throw the championship away just like that. An overly eager, or rather, slightly desperate Hamilton got rather too close to his teammate and was forced to go off the track onto the gravel. This caused him to fall down to 8th place, just out of reach of that title. Displaying some amazing driving, better than we’ve seen all season, he moved into 6th place, the perfect position to be for him. Let me explain, at this point what the outcome would have been like had things continued this way. Massa in first place would have gone on to win at his home circuit, earning even more support and ofcourse boundless pleasure. Kimi, coming in second would have gotten 8 points giving him a total of 108 points. Alonso, in 3rd place would have earned 6 points giving him a total of 109. Hamilton would have won the championship by earning 3 points for placing 6th giving him a total of 110. But in F1, nothing stays constant, nothing is a guarantee.
I missed a major part of the race where Kimi took the lead from Massa, (thanks mom and krupa) so I don’t know how that happened! (Please enlighten me if you know!) But before this, there was a major turn of events. In what seemed to be an irreversible tragedy for Hamilton, he began to slow down suddenly. He was moving, but hardly so. For a lap, it looked as though he was out of the running and then his car suddenly began to gain speed. As we learned later, he had some trouble with his gearbox. He dropped to 18th place. What a blow for his overenthusiastic fans!
In the meanwhile, Kimi pulled away into the lead and even Massa seemed to be unable to keep up with his pace. He even set the fastest lap of the race!
Alonso, behind the two Ferraris seemed to be painfully trudging along, all hope of Championship lost unless something went horribly wrong for one of the two Ferraris ahead of him.
As the chase in front was in progress, Hamilton, from the back, was creeping up his way into the top 10. With 8 laps to go, he was in 7th position. He needed to finish 6th, to equal Raikkonen’s points. With 8 laps to go, the gap between him and Nick Heidfeld was about 17 seconds. Although he was lapping a second faster than Heidfeld, it looked like he was going to run out of laps.
With 3 laps remaining and Kimi going faster than ever, Ferrari fans sat with their fingers, toes and whatever else possible, crossed, praying for nothing to go wrong. 1 lap to go and Kimi was nearly there. Chequered Flag! He’s won the race. Ecstasy. Celebration time has… but wait! What was just on screen, 5th and 6th place Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld were way too close for comfort. My heart stopped for a nanosecond until they separated to a comfortable distance.
Breath holding continued for a few more seconds until they both safely crossed the line. Quick math was done to ensure that our calculations were right. Pregnant silence prevails, listening to the commentator in anticipation of a confirmation of our hopes. Team Radio of Ferrari, “Lewis has safely crossed the line in 7th, it’s all over. By our calculations, you’ve won it!” Pure ecstasy. Unthinkable happiness. What seemed impossible three races ago has happened! Even before the start of the race today it was possible but not probable.
Thoughts during the race (at various points): [1] Before the race, “To win, Kimi would have had to finish first with Alonso 3rd or below and Hamilton 7th or less. No way! Like that’s gonna happen” [2] During the race - “NO! Kimi’s second. Massa’s too good here. Kimi’ll never pass him, Oh no!” [3] 1 lap to go - “What if the 5th or 6th crash out? Lewis’ll win by default. Oh my gosh! What tension!” [4] After the race - “Yay! Yay! Yay!”
The well deserving champion rises out of his vehicle and we see jubilation, though not jubilation like we expected – more like shocked, stunned, dampened jubilation. The true joy is seen on the podium, rather, when he leaps onto the podium. The unexpected has happened. The impossible really IS possible. But hey that’s F1!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
The Festive Season
Festivals, supposed to be times of joy, fun, breaking out of the routine and bringing people together. In today's modern world, that doesn't seem to be happening. Look at Dussera. So many idols of various Gods on 1,3,5,7,9, or maybe even 11 steps... dolls, idols, breakable! And when and old, worn idol with rusted nails breaks it brings great sadness. Hmmm... wierd! sadness over a bit of clay. Doesn't that seem silly.
Fighting! thats what hurts the most. One person wants something done in one way, and another in some other way. One person works, one helps, one doesnt, one gives a critical analysis. The critical analysis isn't taken very well which is obvious because who likes criticism after two long days hard work? The lazy daughter is chided... the son is let off scott free since he's the boy, and only the girl has to learn to do all of this so that when she gets married she'll be prepared, in case she gets and orthodox mother-in-law! The good daughter, helpful ofcourse is made to do little work, but ofcourse the lady of the house does do all the work, and so at the end of the day its understandable that she's tired and frustrated cos the market didn't have any nice new dolls. The nose was chipped, or the nose and mouth were blurred or rather smushed together, or it looked like the goddess had lipstick on, or this was broken, or that was cracked, or the paint wasn't nice! Well, i guess quality isn't really what it used to be! And at the end of the day, its supposed to all be for fun! I'm sorry, but I dont see the fun in this at all...
If this is what fun used to be, well maybe... 20 years ago. But now, I'd much rather be finishing a bio project or getting ready for an SUPW presentation that is due immediately after the holidays than sit around talking to friends who come once a year, just for this sake about things that dont really matter to me anymore. And ofcourse there's the singing. Some person who hasnt seem you in five years, "Why don't you sing a song dear. Something about (insert God's name)". Then when you patiently explain that you dont learn classical music along with reasons for why you stopped (cos u know that if u dont give reasons, questions are sure to come!) the person says, "Oh! Thats a pity. But i'm sure you remember some simple piece. It doesnt matter which God its about. I just want to hear your voice." As much as one wud be flattered that one's voice is in demand, singing something that you haven't sung for about 5 years now is no mean feat. You politely decline saying you're sorry but you don't really remember anything. Words go back and forth and finally after a few minutes the conversation changes track and you are thankfully forgotten. You quietly slip out of the room and lock yourself in yours, and decide to come out only after everyone's left. But ofcourse, the "return gifts" or whatever they're called, must be given, so out come the girls of the house! And the worst part is, this sort of routine goes on for 10 days!!
Its even worse if a small kid comes along. In my house the children are 16 and 21, so the house isnt really kid-proof. In the sense that, there are sharp objects lying around, like scissors and stuff. Also, there are a thousand breakable things and small objects lying all over the house. Entertaining the kid while trying to keep him or her away from all the "dangers" and trying to get a bit or worn in, can be a bit of a pain!!
The festive season... I'm still looking for the festivity in it. Call me anti-social, call me non-traditional... unfortunately... this is how i feel! When i grow up... festive seasons will be different... very different!
Fighting! thats what hurts the most. One person wants something done in one way, and another in some other way. One person works, one helps, one doesnt, one gives a critical analysis. The critical analysis isn't taken very well which is obvious because who likes criticism after two long days hard work? The lazy daughter is chided... the son is let off scott free since he's the boy, and only the girl has to learn to do all of this so that when she gets married she'll be prepared, in case she gets and orthodox mother-in-law! The good daughter, helpful ofcourse is made to do little work, but ofcourse the lady of the house does do all the work, and so at the end of the day its understandable that she's tired and frustrated cos the market didn't have any nice new dolls. The nose was chipped, or the nose and mouth were blurred or rather smushed together, or it looked like the goddess had lipstick on, or this was broken, or that was cracked, or the paint wasn't nice! Well, i guess quality isn't really what it used to be! And at the end of the day, its supposed to all be for fun! I'm sorry, but I dont see the fun in this at all...
If this is what fun used to be, well maybe... 20 years ago. But now, I'd much rather be finishing a bio project or getting ready for an SUPW presentation that is due immediately after the holidays than sit around talking to friends who come once a year, just for this sake about things that dont really matter to me anymore. And ofcourse there's the singing. Some person who hasnt seem you in five years, "Why don't you sing a song dear. Something about (insert God's name)". Then when you patiently explain that you dont learn classical music along with reasons for why you stopped (cos u know that if u dont give reasons, questions are sure to come!) the person says, "Oh! Thats a pity. But i'm sure you remember some simple piece. It doesnt matter which God its about. I just want to hear your voice." As much as one wud be flattered that one's voice is in demand, singing something that you haven't sung for about 5 years now is no mean feat. You politely decline saying you're sorry but you don't really remember anything. Words go back and forth and finally after a few minutes the conversation changes track and you are thankfully forgotten. You quietly slip out of the room and lock yourself in yours, and decide to come out only after everyone's left. But ofcourse, the "return gifts" or whatever they're called, must be given, so out come the girls of the house! And the worst part is, this sort of routine goes on for 10 days!!
Its even worse if a small kid comes along. In my house the children are 16 and 21, so the house isnt really kid-proof. In the sense that, there are sharp objects lying around, like scissors and stuff. Also, there are a thousand breakable things and small objects lying all over the house. Entertaining the kid while trying to keep him or her away from all the "dangers" and trying to get a bit or worn in, can be a bit of a pain!!
The festive season... I'm still looking for the festivity in it. Call me anti-social, call me non-traditional... unfortunately... this is how i feel! When i grow up... festive seasons will be different... very different!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
A World of Unreality
If you watch, or used to watch, Full House on Z Cafe then you'll know this particular episode that I'm gonna talk about.
Remember the episode where DJ, Steph and Michelle go to Camp Lakota along with DJ's boyfriend, Steve (I think!!). And when they get home, all they can talk about is camp, camp and CAMP. And Joey, Jesse and their dad, along with Becky are really upset that they cant stop talking about Camp. Michelle brings back a bunny rabbit that they had nursed to health at camp and Steve offers to drive her back there to set it free and DJ and Steph want to go along too. There they think they're being attacked by a mud-monster, which is actually Joey covered in mud, because it was a very stormy day. But the important part is that when they go there they realize that it wasnt the place that mattered so much because when all the kids weren't there the place just seemed a lifeless, lonely cabin! And so when they get back they realize that the elders had been upset and hurt and then everything becomes all better.
Well, I'm just trying to make a point. Sometimes people get caught up in something temporary, something thats takes place only for a few days or a maybe a couple of weeks. And when they have to get back to the real world, they have trouble letting go of what was so great, though they dont realize that anything can be made great, as long as you want it to be. Suppose you have to run a race, and you psych yourself completely, in the sense that you are totally into it and are confident of winning. Then, you're bound to do well, and even if you don't win, you still have a feeling of contentment. Cos you went in with a positive mindset. But the minute you think, "I'm SO going to come last" then 99% percent chances, you will come last. And then your just going to think, "Damn! I knew that was going to happen. I should just stop trying." But in the first case you'd think, "Okay, so I didn't get it this time, maybe I have better stamina, I'll try 800m". Do you see my point?
Okay, I'm sort of deviating from the point. I'm just saying, sometimes people live too much in the moment, they forget the things that matter most, like family, long-lasting friendship and doing well in life.
Think of this situation, you've just made a new friend, and you too get along amazingly, you have the same tastes in everything. It happened fast, a sudden friendship. No prelude. You spend all your time with that friend. Trying to get to know him better, trying to figure out more things that you have in common, because, you seem to be soul-mates. And after about a week after you've exhausted all the things in common, you start to explore the things that are different, and you realize that when it comes to things that matter, you guys are actually very different. Then you realize, that for a week you did nothing but spend time with this new friend, that in the process you've alienated the old, more constant ones. Friendships that were built over time, with arguments and disagreements and patch-ups and "Forgive me"s.
Thats what I'm talking about, getting too involved in one thing. Many people make that mistake. There's not much of a healthy balance when it comes to people. We take old friends for granted, thinking they'll be there for you no matter what. And good friends will definately always be there for you, but you've got to remember that you need to be a good friend and need to be there for him or her too. New friendships are very very important, but not at the cost of old ones. Give replationships time. It takes time to build trust and true happiness. Make a new friend an old friend. It can't be that hard... It just needs time.
And not just new friendships. Anything. If a camp is happening for a week, have fun with it. But when you get back to the real world or school, chores and life in general, it cant be good to pine for the week-long camp, cos ultimately thats definately not permanent in your life. Look at what you have and appreciate it before you forget all about what you have to get something that you see before. Remember, one bird in hand is better than two in a bush. Don't regret what has gone by, appreciate what is happening, but dont long for what is to come, cos there's no way you can tell what is to come.
I can hardly believe that people can centre their whole lives around something that has gotten over, or something that isn't real anymore. I guess thats why we have 'Devdas's in this world. Pining for what is lost. Living in a world of unreality.
Remember the episode where DJ, Steph and Michelle go to Camp Lakota along with DJ's boyfriend, Steve (I think!!). And when they get home, all they can talk about is camp, camp and CAMP. And Joey, Jesse and their dad, along with Becky are really upset that they cant stop talking about Camp. Michelle brings back a bunny rabbit that they had nursed to health at camp and Steve offers to drive her back there to set it free and DJ and Steph want to go along too. There they think they're being attacked by a mud-monster, which is actually Joey covered in mud, because it was a very stormy day. But the important part is that when they go there they realize that it wasnt the place that mattered so much because when all the kids weren't there the place just seemed a lifeless, lonely cabin! And so when they get back they realize that the elders had been upset and hurt and then everything becomes all better.
Well, I'm just trying to make a point. Sometimes people get caught up in something temporary, something thats takes place only for a few days or a maybe a couple of weeks. And when they have to get back to the real world, they have trouble letting go of what was so great, though they dont realize that anything can be made great, as long as you want it to be. Suppose you have to run a race, and you psych yourself completely, in the sense that you are totally into it and are confident of winning. Then, you're bound to do well, and even if you don't win, you still have a feeling of contentment. Cos you went in with a positive mindset. But the minute you think, "I'm SO going to come last" then 99% percent chances, you will come last. And then your just going to think, "Damn! I knew that was going to happen. I should just stop trying." But in the first case you'd think, "Okay, so I didn't get it this time, maybe I have better stamina, I'll try 800m". Do you see my point?
Okay, I'm sort of deviating from the point. I'm just saying, sometimes people live too much in the moment, they forget the things that matter most, like family, long-lasting friendship and doing well in life.
Think of this situation, you've just made a new friend, and you too get along amazingly, you have the same tastes in everything. It happened fast, a sudden friendship. No prelude. You spend all your time with that friend. Trying to get to know him better, trying to figure out more things that you have in common, because, you seem to be soul-mates. And after about a week after you've exhausted all the things in common, you start to explore the things that are different, and you realize that when it comes to things that matter, you guys are actually very different. Then you realize, that for a week you did nothing but spend time with this new friend, that in the process you've alienated the old, more constant ones. Friendships that were built over time, with arguments and disagreements and patch-ups and "Forgive me"s.
Thats what I'm talking about, getting too involved in one thing. Many people make that mistake. There's not much of a healthy balance when it comes to people. We take old friends for granted, thinking they'll be there for you no matter what. And good friends will definately always be there for you, but you've got to remember that you need to be a good friend and need to be there for him or her too. New friendships are very very important, but not at the cost of old ones. Give replationships time. It takes time to build trust and true happiness. Make a new friend an old friend. It can't be that hard... It just needs time.
And not just new friendships. Anything. If a camp is happening for a week, have fun with it. But when you get back to the real world or school, chores and life in general, it cant be good to pine for the week-long camp, cos ultimately thats definately not permanent in your life. Look at what you have and appreciate it before you forget all about what you have to get something that you see before. Remember, one bird in hand is better than two in a bush. Don't regret what has gone by, appreciate what is happening, but dont long for what is to come, cos there's no way you can tell what is to come.
I can hardly believe that people can centre their whole lives around something that has gotten over, or something that isn't real anymore. I guess thats why we have 'Devdas's in this world. Pining for what is lost. Living in a world of unreality.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
A little story...
{Blogger's note: This is just a little something that i wrote. The following piece of work is purely fictitious. Any resemblance of any person in this to anyone dead or alive is purely coincidental. The events that are described never really took place.}
There he was again. Surrounded by his little 'gang' of followers. Well, they couldn't be called anything else, because they did practically worship him as their God. I don't think he was ever alone. He must have even had a group to accompany him to the Boys' room! And the worst part was, it seemed as though they were having the best time of their lives, laughing their heads off, and lungs out; faces all smiles. There never seemed to be a dull moment in the group or rather, gang! To my own disgust, I was actually curious to know what went on there. It irked me that my friends were such wannabes when it came to him. In the sense that, "I wanna be in that gang" or "Don't you wanna know what they're talking about?" - they'd ask me. "Yeah! right", was my eternal sarcastic reply. But in my heart of hearts, i knew that it bugged me that I was so left out,so out-of-sync! As i had never been!
I thought it was wierd that he, who had come into our lives only two months ago was so popular, whereas I, who had been with them for practically their whole lives, was such a, well, such a "nerd". It had never bothered me that i was the nerd of the class, but now it did. But I did know why!
I've always had strong opinions on popularity. It's a very simple equation. The person who does worst in class, who is the most ill-mannered and worst behaved, and the one who always craves for most attention, is the one who gets attention. The well-behaved, doing-well-in-class types were the nerds, like me. I had always known this and never cared. Because I knew that I was not a shallow person who cared about looks or surface appearances, but one who cared about what was inside. And this little so called equation of mine never seemed to be balanced. Why was it that the worst kids, in my eyes, were the best in others'? Then I came up with a theory for this. A few students of the class did really well and a few did really badly, but the majority of the class was in the middle - average. This majority never liked to compare itself to the ones who did better because obviously they wouldn't feel very good about themselves. So they compared themselves to the ones who did badly, and derived some pleasure out of it. Then, when the ones who did badly put-down the good ones, the average ones tended to join in, to get solace for themselves. It was a wierd theory based on wierd interpretations. In my mind was a stereotype - anybody who was popular was dumb. Period. All of this was shattered because of him.
I never really interacted with him, being in a different section. And I was quite sure that he wasn't aware of my existence, and that suited me just fine. He must have been really stupid because he was so popular. I never really wanted to find out, but i automatically grouped him into the "plastic, dumb popular" group in my mind. Then came the fateful day of the quiz. That horrible quiz that still comes to me in my nightmares. It was one where about 14 students from my school took part, me being one of them. We were to be paired up into 7 teams of two for the written preliminaries. To my utmost horror and greatest disgust, I was partnered with him. HIM, of all people! The assigning of partners had been our student co-ordinator's job, who was 3 years senior to me. In my rage, I walked up to her and screamed in her face, "How could you pair me with him? HE IS DUMB. I'm going to lose with him as a partner. I cant believe it. I refuse to take part..." and so on for about five whole minutes. All the while, when I was shouting at the top of my lungs, she was sedately standing and staring into my eyes, unfazed, unaffected. At the end of my loud rant, she didnt say a word. He was standing two steps behind her. He stepped up in front of me and said, "If you want to change partners, go ahead, I don't mind being with anyone." The first thought that came into my head was, "He just doesn't want to be with the class nerd so he used my anger as a clever cover to make himself look gracious. Ugh! I cant stand him".
The quiz in itself was a blur. I was paired with my best friend and we didn't get through to the final on-stage round. We decided to stay back and watch the finals. To my astonishment, his team made it through the prelims. I attributed their success to his partner, who was known for his quizzing talents. As I watched the progress of the quiz, my shock grew to amazement and finally to utter disbelief as he was answering most of the questions. The mind-numbing part came during the final round, a solo rapid-fire. He got up and confidently, without his voice quavering even once, answered all seven questions correctly and won the quiz for our school by a whooping 65 points. Stunned, i rose from the audience ready to leave. That was when our student co-ordinator said. "He is a national-level quizzer, a top ranker in school and a really nice person. If you had only given him a chance, you would have known that, and I wouldn't be telling you this here today, but congratulating you on your success in the quiz."
Thats when i realized that I'd had it all wrong, people can't be grouped, because they're just too diverse. Each person is different from the other. Prejudice and misconceptions are all that one has from classifying the way i had. I sure learnt my lesson. Today, we're good friends and we've even laughed about this whole incident, but it doesn't stop me from regretting, from saying "What if..."
There he was again. Surrounded by his little 'gang' of followers. Well, they couldn't be called anything else, because they did practically worship him as their God. I don't think he was ever alone. He must have even had a group to accompany him to the Boys' room! And the worst part was, it seemed as though they were having the best time of their lives, laughing their heads off, and lungs out; faces all smiles. There never seemed to be a dull moment in the group or rather, gang! To my own disgust, I was actually curious to know what went on there. It irked me that my friends were such wannabes when it came to him. In the sense that, "I wanna be in that gang" or "Don't you wanna know what they're talking about?" - they'd ask me. "Yeah! right", was my eternal sarcastic reply. But in my heart of hearts, i knew that it bugged me that I was so left out,so out-of-sync! As i had never been!
I thought it was wierd that he, who had come into our lives only two months ago was so popular, whereas I, who had been with them for practically their whole lives, was such a, well, such a "nerd". It had never bothered me that i was the nerd of the class, but now it did. But I did know why!
I've always had strong opinions on popularity. It's a very simple equation. The person who does worst in class, who is the most ill-mannered and worst behaved, and the one who always craves for most attention, is the one who gets attention. The well-behaved, doing-well-in-class types were the nerds, like me. I had always known this and never cared. Because I knew that I was not a shallow person who cared about looks or surface appearances, but one who cared about what was inside. And this little so called equation of mine never seemed to be balanced. Why was it that the worst kids, in my eyes, were the best in others'? Then I came up with a theory for this. A few students of the class did really well and a few did really badly, but the majority of the class was in the middle - average. This majority never liked to compare itself to the ones who did better because obviously they wouldn't feel very good about themselves. So they compared themselves to the ones who did badly, and derived some pleasure out of it. Then, when the ones who did badly put-down the good ones, the average ones tended to join in, to get solace for themselves. It was a wierd theory based on wierd interpretations. In my mind was a stereotype - anybody who was popular was dumb. Period. All of this was shattered because of him.
I never really interacted with him, being in a different section. And I was quite sure that he wasn't aware of my existence, and that suited me just fine. He must have been really stupid because he was so popular. I never really wanted to find out, but i automatically grouped him into the "plastic, dumb popular" group in my mind. Then came the fateful day of the quiz. That horrible quiz that still comes to me in my nightmares. It was one where about 14 students from my school took part, me being one of them. We were to be paired up into 7 teams of two for the written preliminaries. To my utmost horror and greatest disgust, I was partnered with him. HIM, of all people! The assigning of partners had been our student co-ordinator's job, who was 3 years senior to me. In my rage, I walked up to her and screamed in her face, "How could you pair me with him? HE IS DUMB. I'm going to lose with him as a partner. I cant believe it. I refuse to take part..." and so on for about five whole minutes. All the while, when I was shouting at the top of my lungs, she was sedately standing and staring into my eyes, unfazed, unaffected. At the end of my loud rant, she didnt say a word. He was standing two steps behind her. He stepped up in front of me and said, "If you want to change partners, go ahead, I don't mind being with anyone." The first thought that came into my head was, "He just doesn't want to be with the class nerd so he used my anger as a clever cover to make himself look gracious. Ugh! I cant stand him".
The quiz in itself was a blur. I was paired with my best friend and we didn't get through to the final on-stage round. We decided to stay back and watch the finals. To my astonishment, his team made it through the prelims. I attributed their success to his partner, who was known for his quizzing talents. As I watched the progress of the quiz, my shock grew to amazement and finally to utter disbelief as he was answering most of the questions. The mind-numbing part came during the final round, a solo rapid-fire. He got up and confidently, without his voice quavering even once, answered all seven questions correctly and won the quiz for our school by a whooping 65 points. Stunned, i rose from the audience ready to leave. That was when our student co-ordinator said. "He is a national-level quizzer, a top ranker in school and a really nice person. If you had only given him a chance, you would have known that, and I wouldn't be telling you this here today, but congratulating you on your success in the quiz."
Thats when i realized that I'd had it all wrong, people can't be grouped, because they're just too diverse. Each person is different from the other. Prejudice and misconceptions are all that one has from classifying the way i had. I sure learnt my lesson. Today, we're good friends and we've even laughed about this whole incident, but it doesn't stop me from regretting, from saying "What if..."
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Realisation
(Blogger's Note: This isn't some heated, spirited opinion on some world issue its just a recounting of what has happened in the past few months in 11 Science, FAPS and what has now, hopefully, different. After a long time, its just about normal life.)
Realisation. Reawakening or just Awakening! Understanding that something that you thought was right was actually not as right as you thought it was. Actually, a few things have happened that caused this train of thought in my mind.
Firstly, there was a story that I heard. "A toad lived in a well. It had never left the well. One day, a toad from outside the well visited this toad. It said, "You should see the outside world. It is...". But the first toad cut in, "OUTSIDE WORLD! What outside world??"" Okay, maybe the story was a little different, with a little more detail and whatever... but the essence is the same. The point of the story is that the first toad was so consumed in his own little well, that he actually believed that the entire world constituted just the tiny well!!! now that toad needs some perspective!!
Secondly, I've realised that I've been blaming my classmates for a lot of things recently. Like, I've been saying that they've retreated into a shell, and that they weren't letting anyone in and that noone could relate to any of them in a group. And I did believe that that was the problem - THEM. But then, I sat down and thought and deliberated and considered the situation.... OKay! NO i didn't. Realisation just struck me. And you'll be surprised to find out when! During the parent teacher meeting, something just changed. Suddenly, it didnt seem like their fault anymore, but mine. then I felt that I was being too hard on myself, it wasn't all my fault, but at the same time it wasn't all theirs. It was shared. I mean, I dindt have enough time to try and get to know them as well as I would have liked and so those guys decided to stick to whom they knew best.
Also, I've realised another very important thing. At the beginning of the year (the academic year, that is), within like a week, most of us came to the conclusion that this would be the best class ever, and our best year ever. That was based on what seniors had told us, about 11th and 12th being the best ever in your whole school life. So naturally, our expecations were high. And also, the first week of 11th was like this - no serious work, all fun! So we did tend to see only the carefree. fun-loving side of our new classmates. We did tend to compare the new classmates with our former clasmates, in my class 10 A guys and girls. But by the end of the first week, I for one was sure that this was definately gonna be the best time ever.
Infact, it was like that. What with free-period entire-class volleyball matches and PT preiod football match (yes! they actually let us GIRLS play!!) and afetr school bet-matches (sssh! thats a secret) for which we were 'coach', 'cheerleaders' and so on...
Things went bad just before the first term exams. the ban on staying after school and going down in free periods was the beginning. We had no "class time". We were all too pre-occupied with exams to even think about anything else! But somehow the guys found time for each other. Whether it was "gossip sessions" at one's house or pool somewhere else, they still 'bonded'. We never noticed anything until after the exams. When the guys just seemed to disappear, and we began to feel out-of-the-loop. A rift was created. It was going to be hard to bridge. We did try, but the gap was too far. I didnt realize that criticism and blaming wasn't going to help! Because thats just what i did. And now I feel really bad. But i never realised then. We managed to talk sense into a few of them, but they were still unapproachable in a group. I was on a verge of "I was so wrong. The only thing I know for sure now is that my hopes of this being the best year ever were all down the drain".
Thats when the above-stated realisation happened. And now, just yesterday, I told my best friend in the group and in my eyes "leader" of the gang that i was so wrong, and that both of us needed a new chance to forget whatever wierdness has happened. And he sounded so thankful that it made me wonder if I had been overly judgemental and too quick to condemn? I really dont know. All I know is that I want to see the individuality in those guys again. I want to be able to talk to each of them as individuals and not try in vain to get their attention but screaming and shouting! I have lowered my expectations, maybe this wont be the best year ever, but I can make it good. All I need, is a little help from my friends.
Realisation. Reawakening or just Awakening! Understanding that something that you thought was right was actually not as right as you thought it was. Actually, a few things have happened that caused this train of thought in my mind.
Firstly, there was a story that I heard. "A toad lived in a well. It had never left the well. One day, a toad from outside the well visited this toad. It said, "You should see the outside world. It is...". But the first toad cut in, "OUTSIDE WORLD! What outside world??"" Okay, maybe the story was a little different, with a little more detail and whatever... but the essence is the same. The point of the story is that the first toad was so consumed in his own little well, that he actually believed that the entire world constituted just the tiny well!!! now that toad needs some perspective!!
Secondly, I've realised that I've been blaming my classmates for a lot of things recently. Like, I've been saying that they've retreated into a shell, and that they weren't letting anyone in and that noone could relate to any of them in a group. And I did believe that that was the problem - THEM. But then, I sat down and thought and deliberated and considered the situation.... OKay! NO i didn't. Realisation just struck me. And you'll be surprised to find out when! During the parent teacher meeting, something just changed. Suddenly, it didnt seem like their fault anymore, but mine. then I felt that I was being too hard on myself, it wasn't all my fault, but at the same time it wasn't all theirs. It was shared. I mean, I dindt have enough time to try and get to know them as well as I would have liked and so those guys decided to stick to whom they knew best.
Also, I've realised another very important thing. At the beginning of the year (the academic year, that is), within like a week, most of us came to the conclusion that this would be the best class ever, and our best year ever. That was based on what seniors had told us, about 11th and 12th being the best ever in your whole school life. So naturally, our expecations were high. And also, the first week of 11th was like this - no serious work, all fun! So we did tend to see only the carefree. fun-loving side of our new classmates. We did tend to compare the new classmates with our former clasmates, in my class 10 A guys and girls. But by the end of the first week, I for one was sure that this was definately gonna be the best time ever.
Infact, it was like that. What with free-period entire-class volleyball matches and PT preiod football match (yes! they actually let us GIRLS play!!) and afetr school bet-matches (sssh! thats a secret) for which we were 'coach', 'cheerleaders' and so on...
Things went bad just before the first term exams. the ban on staying after school and going down in free periods was the beginning. We had no "class time". We were all too pre-occupied with exams to even think about anything else! But somehow the guys found time for each other. Whether it was "gossip sessions" at one's house or pool somewhere else, they still 'bonded'. We never noticed anything until after the exams. When the guys just seemed to disappear, and we began to feel out-of-the-loop. A rift was created. It was going to be hard to bridge. We did try, but the gap was too far. I didnt realize that criticism and blaming wasn't going to help! Because thats just what i did. And now I feel really bad. But i never realised then. We managed to talk sense into a few of them, but they were still unapproachable in a group. I was on a verge of "I was so wrong. The only thing I know for sure now is that my hopes of this being the best year ever were all down the drain".
Thats when the above-stated realisation happened. And now, just yesterday, I told my best friend in the group and in my eyes "leader" of the gang that i was so wrong, and that both of us needed a new chance to forget whatever wierdness has happened. And he sounded so thankful that it made me wonder if I had been overly judgemental and too quick to condemn? I really dont know. All I know is that I want to see the individuality in those guys again. I want to be able to talk to each of them as individuals and not try in vain to get their attention but screaming and shouting! I have lowered my expectations, maybe this wont be the best year ever, but I can make it good. All I need, is a little help from my friends.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Blogger's note:
Hehe! I guess, at the end of it, it was just 9 posts. I swear, it seemed a lot more on the msn space!! Maybe it's less cos i didnt post abt 5 blog entries that were solely about Harry Potter, I didnt see the need!
I had thought that I wud copy and paste the entries like one each day but, now that you're all updated, thanks to ashu... The posts from now on will be fresh from the brain of the blogger to the eyes of the reader...
I had thought that I wud copy and paste the entries like one each day but, now that you're all updated, thanks to ashu... The posts from now on will be fresh from the brain of the blogger to the eyes of the reader...
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare
- W.H.Davies
Although this poem doesnt mention anything about having no time to talk to friends and make sure that friendships are fine, and no time to catch up with old, long-forgotten friends, and hows there's no time to relax and read a story book, or lazily lounge in front of the tv while munching on a home-made snack, or hows there's no time to just do NOTHING.
When did life become so hectic, why does there seem to be no time for the things that matter? Life was always good and full of time to do the fun things, to take care of the little things, and ensure that miniscule details are in place. It's very wierd, that when I was in the 10th std, with the board exams menacingly looming into a clear picture in the very near future I had enough time for everything, but now in the 11th where 12th std board exams are not even considered to be a part of the future, there's absolutly no time to do anything for pleasure, relaxation, or personal satisfaction. Okay, maybe there is a sort of satisfaction in falling alseep half-dead, so tired that just getting onto the bed was an effort, mind filled with what has to be done the next day, nightmares through the night about carefully planned things going horribly wrong, yet a feeling of something accomplished, something achieved, something completed. But I really don't think I'm at that stage. This is the kind of thing you would expect a 40-something, successful, 9 to 5 (or usually 9 to 9) working man (or woman) to say. Not a sweet-16, studying 9-5 (or generally not-at-all) studying girl to say...
Doesnt it sound odd to you that a girl my age who is supposed to having the most fun in life, has actually lost perspective on what fun is. In the sense that, I do have fun... a LOT of fun. But its not the fun times that remain in the mind. Its the tension, and someone screaming at you for something that DID go horribly wrong (like in the nightmare!), and apprehensions about what to do in life, and where we're going to be in 20 years. Was that the kind of life that you lived? (And in that statement i am referring to the 40-something, successful, 9 to 5 working men/women)
Is it present day pressures, responsibilties and global competition? Or is it just the normal "teenager-syndrome" where we feel that this is happening to only us? So has it really been this way for generations gone by. Is youth not youthful anymore, or has it never trully been that way?
One thing that I've always wondered is whether at the end of the day, I've affected anyone's life (in a good way!). Have I made anyone happier. Has anyone been proud of something I've done, been relieved that i've finally finished something that was waaaaaaaay overdue, been satisfied that i've done a job and done it well??? Aren't those the things that matter. Things that matter are things that are done for others and not things recieved from others. Atleast, that's my opinion.
In oneself, as in myself, and people like me... my peers, there has been a change. A major change. We can feel it in us, we can see it around us. But we can't pinpoint the reason for this change and when it actually occured or began to occur... we're not sure if its complete or not, cos we've seen change before and it does seem to be the only thing that is guaranteed to happen, like the famous quote "Change is the only constant thing", or something to that effect!! What is especially blurry about this, is the change. We, or atleast I, dont know exactly what has changed. I can feel the change, but i can define it. Does that make sense? I think I'm rambling. A few late-nights seem to have caught up with me!! so i should trudge off to bed... to the familiar feelings of dead-tiredness, mind-numbing tasks that must be done, nightmares, and feelings of accomplishment, achievement, completion....
We have no time to stand and stare?—
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare
- W.H.Davies
Although this poem doesnt mention anything about having no time to talk to friends and make sure that friendships are fine, and no time to catch up with old, long-forgotten friends, and hows there's no time to relax and read a story book, or lazily lounge in front of the tv while munching on a home-made snack, or hows there's no time to just do NOTHING.
When did life become so hectic, why does there seem to be no time for the things that matter? Life was always good and full of time to do the fun things, to take care of the little things, and ensure that miniscule details are in place. It's very wierd, that when I was in the 10th std, with the board exams menacingly looming into a clear picture in the very near future I had enough time for everything, but now in the 11th where 12th std board exams are not even considered to be a part of the future, there's absolutly no time to do anything for pleasure, relaxation, or personal satisfaction. Okay, maybe there is a sort of satisfaction in falling alseep half-dead, so tired that just getting onto the bed was an effort, mind filled with what has to be done the next day, nightmares through the night about carefully planned things going horribly wrong, yet a feeling of something accomplished, something achieved, something completed. But I really don't think I'm at that stage. This is the kind of thing you would expect a 40-something, successful, 9 to 5 (or usually 9 to 9) working man (or woman) to say. Not a sweet-16, studying 9-5 (or generally not-at-all) studying girl to say...
Doesnt it sound odd to you that a girl my age who is supposed to having the most fun in life, has actually lost perspective on what fun is. In the sense that, I do have fun... a LOT of fun. But its not the fun times that remain in the mind. Its the tension, and someone screaming at you for something that DID go horribly wrong (like in the nightmare!), and apprehensions about what to do in life, and where we're going to be in 20 years. Was that the kind of life that you lived? (And in that statement i am referring to the 40-something, successful, 9 to 5 working men/women)
Is it present day pressures, responsibilties and global competition? Or is it just the normal "teenager-syndrome" where we feel that this is happening to only us? So has it really been this way for generations gone by. Is youth not youthful anymore, or has it never trully been that way?
One thing that I've always wondered is whether at the end of the day, I've affected anyone's life (in a good way!). Have I made anyone happier. Has anyone been proud of something I've done, been relieved that i've finally finished something that was waaaaaaaay overdue, been satisfied that i've done a job and done it well??? Aren't those the things that matter. Things that matter are things that are done for others and not things recieved from others. Atleast, that's my opinion.
In oneself, as in myself, and people like me... my peers, there has been a change. A major change. We can feel it in us, we can see it around us. But we can't pinpoint the reason for this change and when it actually occured or began to occur... we're not sure if its complete or not, cos we've seen change before and it does seem to be the only thing that is guaranteed to happen, like the famous quote "Change is the only constant thing", or something to that effect!! What is especially blurry about this, is the change. We, or atleast I, dont know exactly what has changed. I can feel the change, but i can define it. Does that make sense? I think I'm rambling. A few late-nights seem to have caught up with me!! so i should trudge off to bed... to the familiar feelings of dead-tiredness, mind-numbing tasks that must be done, nightmares, and feelings of accomplishment, achievement, completion....
Global Community
I was at this sort of lecture thing recently where this guy (who i shall not name for his sake!) was delivering a speech. The theme of the "program" (if it can be called that) was 'Welcoming the new generation' and the opening lines of the guy's speech were "The youth of today has been brought up wrong. They have no perception, all they have is someone else's perception". And this was basically what he said throughout his 25 minute long speech. I was surrounded by a group of like-minded friends (as in, like-minded to me!)... and we were fuming by the end of it. How could he condemn our generation... how could he generalize like that? He even said that we weren't patriotic and had no culture or tradition that our ancestors have had for generations. According to him, we see the world only through pre-prepared images, that is, the media ofcourse! So if we were shown another angle of some famous monument, say the Taj Mahal, we wouldn't be able to recognize it! and imagine all of this from a man who is part of the 'media world' himself!!!!!!!!
I went home, sat down, rationally thought about what he said, and still I didnt agree with a word. Okay, so maybe we're getting 'pre-prepared' pictures of the world. But frankly who cares, atleast we're getting SOME picture! I mean, i bet you he didnt know what the atmosphere, or the grand canyon looked like, excpet from pictures. Has he been to outer space and 'experienced' it himself. We look at the images we're given and form our own opinions, we're not dumb or anything! I bet you, he didnt have half the knowledge that we have of the world when he was our age? This is an age of technology where we find out what life would be like to live in China or Antarctica, sitting right here comfy in our homes... doesnt that increase, and not diminish, our perception...
And to my indignation, my mum agreed with this man. She said, yes! today's childrem are brought up wrong. "You do have no patriotism. Patriotism and everything, even charity, should start from the home. Do you guys show your love?". Oh! now that got me really fired up. Okay, so maybe we dont feel patriotic towards our nation, but we feel it towards the world. We feel a sense of belonging to this world, to the global community (yes! i've finally gotten to the point!). We dont worry about one particular country, we worry about the world. Does the older generation want us to care about only our home, our state and our nation?? Wont that create feelings of disunity. What about caring about OUR world? I know I do. And I know that makes me want to clean up the whole world, make the whole world a better place to live in and not just my house or my state or my nation! I care about MY world. Yes! maybe I'm selfish, maybe i care only for my benefit... but if caring selfishly about the whole world for MY benefit, benefits others, then why not?
We live in a world today where global untiy is of utmost importance. It is absolutely necessary that we feel united, not as Nations or Unions... but as one WORLD. If we have to solve problems like GLOBAL warming and GLOBAL climate change, then shouldnt we work as a GLOBAL community and not as national communities. Does it even make sense that we're trying to tackle such a massive problem without being united with the rest of the world, the only world we know. This isn't the 'Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy' where we can travel from here to some far away land where that land wont be destroyed, (because of aliens, or global warming, that's not the point!!)
Is it not necessary for this new generation, the youth, to pull up their socks and make up for their parents and ancestors' mistakes?? Is it not time that we accepted that we have a major responsibilty and that just concerts and campaigns are not going to help, that WE as one WORLD have to take up active action to save our earth.
If this is so, is not talk of patriotism for our nation and talk of 'I will die for my country' obsolete? Should it not be 'I will not die because of other's mistakes'?? (okay yea! that does sound wierd, but u get my point right??!?)...
Is it not time for us to refurbish our views on where we stand as people on this earth. Individual effort does count. But if as individuals we can do so much, imagine what we can do as one WORLD, one GLOBAL COMMUNITY??
(Well at the end of it, this sounded like one big debate... so i'm waiting for counter arguements... or arguements on my side!!)
member of the new generation advanced global community,
Kavya
(originally posted on September 11th)
I went home, sat down, rationally thought about what he said, and still I didnt agree with a word. Okay, so maybe we're getting 'pre-prepared' pictures of the world. But frankly who cares, atleast we're getting SOME picture! I mean, i bet you he didnt know what the atmosphere, or the grand canyon looked like, excpet from pictures. Has he been to outer space and 'experienced' it himself. We look at the images we're given and form our own opinions, we're not dumb or anything! I bet you, he didnt have half the knowledge that we have of the world when he was our age? This is an age of technology where we find out what life would be like to live in China or Antarctica, sitting right here comfy in our homes... doesnt that increase, and not diminish, our perception...
And to my indignation, my mum agreed with this man. She said, yes! today's childrem are brought up wrong. "You do have no patriotism. Patriotism and everything, even charity, should start from the home. Do you guys show your love?". Oh! now that got me really fired up. Okay, so maybe we dont feel patriotic towards our nation, but we feel it towards the world. We feel a sense of belonging to this world, to the global community (yes! i've finally gotten to the point!). We dont worry about one particular country, we worry about the world. Does the older generation want us to care about only our home, our state and our nation?? Wont that create feelings of disunity. What about caring about OUR world? I know I do. And I know that makes me want to clean up the whole world, make the whole world a better place to live in and not just my house or my state or my nation! I care about MY world. Yes! maybe I'm selfish, maybe i care only for my benefit... but if caring selfishly about the whole world for MY benefit, benefits others, then why not?
We live in a world today where global untiy is of utmost importance. It is absolutely necessary that we feel united, not as Nations or Unions... but as one WORLD. If we have to solve problems like GLOBAL warming and GLOBAL climate change, then shouldnt we work as a GLOBAL community and not as national communities. Does it even make sense that we're trying to tackle such a massive problem without being united with the rest of the world, the only world we know. This isn't the 'Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy' where we can travel from here to some far away land where that land wont be destroyed, (because of aliens, or global warming, that's not the point!!)
Is it not necessary for this new generation, the youth, to pull up their socks and make up for their parents and ancestors' mistakes?? Is it not time that we accepted that we have a major responsibilty and that just concerts and campaigns are not going to help, that WE as one WORLD have to take up active action to save our earth.
If this is so, is not talk of patriotism for our nation and talk of 'I will die for my country' obsolete? Should it not be 'I will not die because of other's mistakes'?? (okay yea! that does sound wierd, but u get my point right??!?)...
Is it not time for us to refurbish our views on where we stand as people on this earth. Individual effort does count. But if as individuals we can do so much, imagine what we can do as one WORLD, one GLOBAL COMMUNITY??
(Well at the end of it, this sounded like one big debate... so i'm waiting for counter arguements... or arguements on my side!!)
member of the new generation advanced global community,
Kavya
(originally posted on September 11th)
Trust
Doesn't it kill you when the person whom you trusted your biggets secret, betrays that trust? I wish all the people in the world who promise to keep something secret would keep it secret. The world would be such a better place to live in. No fights over "why did u tell her?" or "how could you do this to me?". No broken hearts, destroyed friendships. Life would be a whole lot easier, if people stuck to their word!
But i think i'm stuck in a world of fantasy, cos ofcourse, thats not gonna happen. There will be breaches of faith, there will be fights... but ultimately, there WILL be reconcilliation.
Faith and Trust mean the same thing to me! i dont know if the dictionary meaning is the same though! Life is impossible without these two. Even if a person vows to himself to not trust anyone ever again... the person will at some point in his life start trusting someone, atleast partly!
If there's absolute trust, there's no room for miscommunication and misunderstandings. There's no way you'll find out 4 years later that the reason he said he hated you may have been his mum. and if he had trusted you enuf, he wud have saved you all the pain, misery, tears and heartbreak! If only people said what they really wanted to say. If only nothing was left unsaid or undone! If only, people tolf the truth 99% of the time and saved the 1% lies for times when the truth would offend or upset. If only...
imagining a better world,
Kavya
(originally written on September 7th)
But i think i'm stuck in a world of fantasy, cos ofcourse, thats not gonna happen. There will be breaches of faith, there will be fights... but ultimately, there WILL be reconcilliation.
Faith and Trust mean the same thing to me! i dont know if the dictionary meaning is the same though! Life is impossible without these two. Even if a person vows to himself to not trust anyone ever again... the person will at some point in his life start trusting someone, atleast partly!
If there's absolute trust, there's no room for miscommunication and misunderstandings. There's no way you'll find out 4 years later that the reason he said he hated you may have been his mum. and if he had trusted you enuf, he wud have saved you all the pain, misery, tears and heartbreak! If only people said what they really wanted to say. If only nothing was left unsaid or undone! If only, people tolf the truth 99% of the time and saved the 1% lies for times when the truth would offend or upset. If only...
imagining a better world,
Kavya
(originally written on September 7th)
Have you ever...
... wished that life were more simple?
... wanted to live life your way, but havent been able to?
... done something that u didnt wanna do just to please someone?
... found out that someone whom you thought was a very neutral person was actually quite
opinionated?
... wanted to speak your mind so badly, but never been able to articulate?
... wanted more chocolate?
... wanted to be able to eat as much as you want without becomming fat?
... wanted strawberries and cream?
... done something stupid, knowing it was stupid, and snapped out of the trance later?
... undergone such a major change, and realized you've changed only after the change was
complete?
... hated someone's new haircut?
... felt like wallowing in sorrow and self-pity?
... been scared to get something incase it might ruin something you already have?
... wanted to do so well, but have been too lazy to make an effort?
... loved life to the max, and wanted to embrace every single moment?
... had a heated argument and after all the shouts and screams, not known where it had started
or where it was going?
... thanked your stars for all you have?
... wished that you had more?
... hoped that an end would bring a new beginning?
... tried to act stupid, but realized that you werent acting?
... thanked your friends for everything they've done?
... thanked your family for everything they still do?
... envisioned your future?
... seen a bleak future ahead of you?
... tried not to lose your competitive egde, but have done so anyway?
... thought about life after death?
... felt sorry for all the people who have less than you?
... felt jealous of the people who have more that you?
... imagined life without comfort?
... tried to help those who dont have comfort?
... been told that you were more likable when you were a baby?
... been addicted to something so much that every time u try to get away, u just relapse.
... wanted so badly to break away, but have not known what was addicting u in the first place?
... been misunderstood and misjudged?
... had rumours been spread about you that you never even knew about?
... liked someone for how they look and then been scolded by a friend and only then realised how
shallow you'd been?
... judged someone too soon and regretted it later?
... wanted to read more, but have had no time?
... wanted to write more, but have had no time?
(originally written on August 26th: I was just in a wierd mood!)
... wanted to live life your way, but havent been able to?
... done something that u didnt wanna do just to please someone?
... found out that someone whom you thought was a very neutral person was actually quite
opinionated?
... wanted to speak your mind so badly, but never been able to articulate?
... wanted more chocolate?
... wanted to be able to eat as much as you want without becomming fat?
... wanted strawberries and cream?
... done something stupid, knowing it was stupid, and snapped out of the trance later?
... undergone such a major change, and realized you've changed only after the change was
complete?
... hated someone's new haircut?
... felt like wallowing in sorrow and self-pity?
... been scared to get something incase it might ruin something you already have?
... wanted to do so well, but have been too lazy to make an effort?
... loved life to the max, and wanted to embrace every single moment?
... had a heated argument and after all the shouts and screams, not known where it had started
or where it was going?
... thanked your stars for all you have?
... wished that you had more?
... hoped that an end would bring a new beginning?
... tried to act stupid, but realized that you werent acting?
... thanked your friends for everything they've done?
... thanked your family for everything they still do?
... envisioned your future?
... seen a bleak future ahead of you?
... tried not to lose your competitive egde, but have done so anyway?
... thought about life after death?
... felt sorry for all the people who have less than you?
... felt jealous of the people who have more that you?
... imagined life without comfort?
... tried to help those who dont have comfort?
... been told that you were more likable when you were a baby?
... been addicted to something so much that every time u try to get away, u just relapse.
... wanted so badly to break away, but have not known what was addicting u in the first place?
... been misunderstood and misjudged?
... had rumours been spread about you that you never even knew about?
... liked someone for how they look and then been scolded by a friend and only then realised how
shallow you'd been?
... judged someone too soon and regretted it later?
... wanted to read more, but have had no time?
... wanted to write more, but have had no time?
(originally written on August 26th: I was just in a wierd mood!)
Anorexia
(originally posted on August 13th. I must explain that the issue is not with me. And the problem has not been resolved, but for the sake of continuity, i post it here)
Well, I was reading "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Tough Stuff" and there was a segment on eating disorders. That got me thinking. Why do people not want to eat? I mean, doenst it sound ridiculous, to normal people like me and you. But its horrible that there are people who think they should starve, or worse, throw up, to be thin. ANd there are some people who are basically repulsed by the sight of food. It saddens me that people's lives can be ruined by just not being able to eat food! I think, all of these people need proffesional help... though a lot of them dont know it, and a few know it but cant get it for some reason or the other. and i was wondering, do we have counsellors and stuff for this sort of thing in India, more specifically in b'lore. Cos in all stories based in the US there's always a counsellor and a nutritionist and a gazillion other ppl! but what about here!
Information is wealth,
Kavya
p.s- opinion needed: if u know a person who's anorexic, would you talk to them about it? confrontation?
Well, I was reading "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Tough Stuff" and there was a segment on eating disorders. That got me thinking. Why do people not want to eat? I mean, doenst it sound ridiculous, to normal people like me and you. But its horrible that there are people who think they should starve, or worse, throw up, to be thin. ANd there are some people who are basically repulsed by the sight of food. It saddens me that people's lives can be ruined by just not being able to eat food! I think, all of these people need proffesional help... though a lot of them dont know it, and a few know it but cant get it for some reason or the other. and i was wondering, do we have counsellors and stuff for this sort of thing in India, more specifically in b'lore. Cos in all stories based in the US there's always a counsellor and a nutritionist and a gazillion other ppl! but what about here!
Information is wealth,
Kavya
p.s- opinion needed: if u know a person who's anorexic, would you talk to them about it? confrontation?
Random Thoughts
(originally posted on August 4th)
Isn't it stupid that when a person bangs his/her foot against, say, a table, and we say "Gawd! be careful!" Isn't it dumb! I mean, the person's already hurt herself, whats the point of saying be careful??
Music is food for the soul! When there's a fight in the house, however minor, I go to the comp or the mp3 player for solace, my sis to her music edition phone. My mum either sings or plugs in the walkman, my dad watches Sun Music on tv. Amazing how we all look for music after some particularly distressing time! Music... isn't it divine?
Why do friends stop being friends! Dont they realize that not only are the depriving themselves of something beautiful, but also hurting the ones that love them both? Mutual friends are stuck inbetween trying to figure out whom to talk to and spend time with. Scared if talking to one will offend the other. Imagine the predicament of one who's friends with one and likes the other! The person feels guilty that liking one will hurt the other since the other has made it clear that the liked one is nothing but crap to that person! Ugh! silly trivial matters that get blown out of proportion! why cant they be forgotten, apologies be said, egos put away and life got back onto the right track? What about if someone feels so guilty for being the indirect cause of the fight?
Rain is so beautiful, i love the monsoon. It's such a romantic season! Amazing to just sit in bed with the fan on and the blankets over you, reading your favourite book, preferably a thriller or a Jeffrey Archer and drinking hot milk with a few goodday biscuits (lays, chips or chocolate works too!). Listening to the rain in the background and just picturing the beauty of it! And then going out into the balcony and seeing the beauty in reality! So refereshing, like taking a really good long warm soothing shower! Except, not for the body but for the mind...
Housework is such a pain!
Studying requires a mindset, that I currently lack!
Wishes dont always come true but sometimes they do!
Life is wierd! Dont you think so?
Just thinking,
Kavya
Isn't it stupid that when a person bangs his/her foot against, say, a table, and we say "Gawd! be careful!" Isn't it dumb! I mean, the person's already hurt herself, whats the point of saying be careful??
Music is food for the soul! When there's a fight in the house, however minor, I go to the comp or the mp3 player for solace, my sis to her music edition phone. My mum either sings or plugs in the walkman, my dad watches Sun Music on tv. Amazing how we all look for music after some particularly distressing time! Music... isn't it divine?
Why do friends stop being friends! Dont they realize that not only are the depriving themselves of something beautiful, but also hurting the ones that love them both? Mutual friends are stuck inbetween trying to figure out whom to talk to and spend time with. Scared if talking to one will offend the other. Imagine the predicament of one who's friends with one and likes the other! The person feels guilty that liking one will hurt the other since the other has made it clear that the liked one is nothing but crap to that person! Ugh! silly trivial matters that get blown out of proportion! why cant they be forgotten, apologies be said, egos put away and life got back onto the right track? What about if someone feels so guilty for being the indirect cause of the fight?
Rain is so beautiful, i love the monsoon. It's such a romantic season! Amazing to just sit in bed with the fan on and the blankets over you, reading your favourite book, preferably a thriller or a Jeffrey Archer and drinking hot milk with a few goodday biscuits (lays, chips or chocolate works too!). Listening to the rain in the background and just picturing the beauty of it! And then going out into the balcony and seeing the beauty in reality! So refereshing, like taking a really good long warm soothing shower! Except, not for the body but for the mind...
Housework is such a pain!
Studying requires a mindset, that I currently lack!
Wishes dont always come true but sometimes they do!
Life is wierd! Dont you think so?
Just thinking,
Kavya
Gossip, Misconceptions
(This was originally posted on July 29th)
It's sad how a friendship can sour due to miscommunication, rumours and misplaced trust! Rumous, spread by usless people in the name of gossip to such people who are in my terminology "eternally gossip-hungry", can cause such utter confusion that a long-standing friendship can just break!
You think i'm talking about gossiping girls, well, you're sadly mistaken. Guys are the ones who are so desperate to stay in the loop that they'll believe anything they're told. Atleast the girls are sensible, and know enough to spread the true rumours! okay fine, maybe not true but atleast not hurtful!
Hmmmm.... "A true friendship should last the trial of any hardship", "A true friendship is not bothered by comments, false stories and the like". Maybe, theoretically, but is it so, practically? I dont think so. As much as we may say that we couldnt care less about what other people think, we do care! because we live in society and unfortunately for us we have a need to be accepted!
This truly sucks. I would never want to lose a friend just because some jobless idiot decided to make up a story, and an even more jobless idiot heard the story and decided to pass it on to his friends! In my opinion, this is the silliest way to forgo a friendship!
Gossip is dangerous, whether its true or not, it can really hurt a person's feelings and scar him/her for life! be careful about what you say, think twice about who you are talking to!
Kavya
It's sad how a friendship can sour due to miscommunication, rumours and misplaced trust! Rumous, spread by usless people in the name of gossip to such people who are in my terminology "eternally gossip-hungry", can cause such utter confusion that a long-standing friendship can just break!
You think i'm talking about gossiping girls, well, you're sadly mistaken. Guys are the ones who are so desperate to stay in the loop that they'll believe anything they're told. Atleast the girls are sensible, and know enough to spread the true rumours! okay fine, maybe not true but atleast not hurtful!
Hmmmm.... "A true friendship should last the trial of any hardship", "A true friendship is not bothered by comments, false stories and the like". Maybe, theoretically, but is it so, practically? I dont think so. As much as we may say that we couldnt care less about what other people think, we do care! because we live in society and unfortunately for us we have a need to be accepted!
This truly sucks. I would never want to lose a friend just because some jobless idiot decided to make up a story, and an even more jobless idiot heard the story and decided to pass it on to his friends! In my opinion, this is the silliest way to forgo a friendship!
Gossip is dangerous, whether its true or not, it can really hurt a person's feelings and scar him/her for life! be careful about what you say, think twice about who you are talking to!
Kavya
Life as it Moves
Life! It just keeps moving doesnt it! I mean, it just seemed like yesterday that we started school and were getting to know our new classmates and already its nearly been two months and "newbies" aren't newbies anymore, infact, they're about as FAPSian as you (referring to onlyFAPSians obviously! ) or I. It seems like they've been there forever. "A class without them"- absurd is the thought!
Then there's a jolt back to the past. A close friend whom you haven't talked to since her birthday pops into school. She's been a FAPSian from the nursery till the 10th and is now in college. But she seems less FAPSian than our two-month-old classmate. She's still the same. Okay, maybe there's a little more flesh in the face but then, maybe thats there in me too! We reminisce while looking at our old classroom and then I vividly describe to her my classmates and their little quirks. The fun-times of the past are compared to the fun-times of the present. It is then realized that those seemingly eternal classmates were infact not classmates just a few months ago!
Amazing how the mind adapts! Contact is lost so easily. Promises made seem futile. "But he never calls, why should I" or "I was way too busy settling down so i had no time to call her" - frequent excuses. But doesn't it seems silly in the end. I mean, we promised to never lose touch. We wrote in everyone's slam book and on their uniforms and what not - "If you lose touch, I will kill you". But well, it is in the end a two-way street. One can make continuous effort only if the other does too.
What really do we do with spare time? Talk to friends on the phone. Those very friends who we see in school everyday. Doesn't it make more sense to call some old friend who we havent talked to in a few months? But thats not how we function, our thinking is at a totally different wavelength.
Well, atleast a call on birthdays is mandatory, but when one forgets that, then you know that you've reached the end of the line, it's time to turn back and get onto a right route or take the plunge, leave the past behind!
angry at myself,
Kavya
p.s- the "we"'s and "you"'s used here mainly refer to me! It just sounds nicer when read in plural!!
(p.p.s- This was originally written on July 27th)
Then there's a jolt back to the past. A close friend whom you haven't talked to since her birthday pops into school. She's been a FAPSian from the nursery till the 10th and is now in college. But she seems less FAPSian than our two-month-old classmate. She's still the same. Okay, maybe there's a little more flesh in the face but then, maybe thats there in me too! We reminisce while looking at our old classroom and then I vividly describe to her my classmates and their little quirks. The fun-times of the past are compared to the fun-times of the present. It is then realized that those seemingly eternal classmates were infact not classmates just a few months ago!
Amazing how the mind adapts! Contact is lost so easily. Promises made seem futile. "But he never calls, why should I" or "I was way too busy settling down so i had no time to call her" - frequent excuses. But doesn't it seems silly in the end. I mean, we promised to never lose touch. We wrote in everyone's slam book and on their uniforms and what not - "If you lose touch, I will kill you". But well, it is in the end a two-way street. One can make continuous effort only if the other does too.
What really do we do with spare time? Talk to friends on the phone. Those very friends who we see in school everyday. Doesn't it make more sense to call some old friend who we havent talked to in a few months? But thats not how we function, our thinking is at a totally different wavelength.
Well, atleast a call on birthdays is mandatory, but when one forgets that, then you know that you've reached the end of the line, it's time to turn back and get onto a right route or take the plunge, leave the past behind!
angry at myself,
Kavya
p.s- the "we"'s and "you"'s used here mainly refer to me! It just sounds nicer when read in plural!!
(p.p.s- This was originally written on July 27th)
The Introduction
Actually, i already have a blog. But that is associated with msn, so only those who are on msn can view that. One of my friends Ashwin, heard or rather read about my blog through my sister and wanted to read what I had written. When he heard that it was not on blogspot... he was all... "shift to blogspot ". So I thought, "Hey! why not!", In the sense that I'm not exactly SHIFTING here, more like, i now have two blogs for two sets of readers (though the posts will be the same).
I have posted a lot on my msn blog over a period of time, so initially I plan to just repost those entries here, because a lot of that gives a sort of insight into my life and my world and it'll be like a continuity.
Most of my entries are based on things happening either in my life or a friend's. They may sound cryptic, because I don't mention names, but the feelings and thoughts are plain to see.
I love comments by the way, so even if you dont have anything to say, just say hi! chumma... for fun!!
I have posted a lot on my msn blog over a period of time, so initially I plan to just repost those entries here, because a lot of that gives a sort of insight into my life and my world and it'll be like a continuity.
Most of my entries are based on things happening either in my life or a friend's. They may sound cryptic, because I don't mention names, but the feelings and thoughts are plain to see.
I love comments by the way, so even if you dont have anything to say, just say hi! chumma... for fun!!
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